He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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