I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
