He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
