My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
