There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Slut skills are useful in every country.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
