Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
