Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
