smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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