If you die in college, do you die in real life?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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