There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
