My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
