best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
