pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
that's an acceptable place to lick
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
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