the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
