i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
