Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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