shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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