Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
