do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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