i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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