I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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