Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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