life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
