I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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