the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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