when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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