I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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