dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
