Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
