I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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