just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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