i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
