Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
