either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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