I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
