This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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