she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
