you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
