can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Randomize
