i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize