I want to make a zoo with you.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
