also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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