Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
