he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
