No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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