my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
