how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
