Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
