Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
