Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
