haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
