Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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