I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
