I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Randomize
