omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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