Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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