Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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