Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
