the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
