I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
