life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
