Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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