I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
