he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Couch. On fire.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
