Apparently you make a good broom.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
