Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You are a genius and a whore.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
