Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
