It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
